", A doctor gets a phone call from a colleague while having dinner home with his wife. I heard he really made a spectacle out of himself.". 1. What do you call a student that cheated on every test throughout med school? Days? Do you know a good joke which isn't here. Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. Me:Hey, , cmon, I just gave the first part of the song. Hell have you in stitches.. What did the man say to the x-ray technician after swallowing some money? "I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense. Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old "Geezer ", A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. 3. It's a gateway tug. Start writing! Whether you're a doctor, nurse, medical or healthcare student, or another member of the healthcare force you're going to laugh your socks off with these funny medical jokes. "Patient: "What's the good news? Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.. Quarrelling, Insulting Language And Dirty Jokes. Why did the banana go to the doctor?He wasnt peeling well. "I will look at him. "Eventually," said the consultant, "she will rise and shine." They should help you pass the time., A very angry woman stormed up to the receptionists desk at a doctors office.Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday, she complained.The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. He needs an infusion whats his blood type? Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm?Because he found the x-ray humerus. We have a simple and elegant solution for you! She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. Masturbation always leads to sex. What should I do?. Joke #8: "Differences Between Graduate Nurse and Experienced Nurses". Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. Just ice cream. I cant keep from yawning all day long.. There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. Pilot left his microphone on. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. 6. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Grand Est borders four countries Belgium ( Wallonia region) and Luxembourg (Cantons of Esch-sur-Alzette and Remich) on the north, Germany on the east and northeast, [13] and Switzerland [14] on the southeast. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? 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", A doctor says, "The good news is it's all in your head. He asked, "Can you describe the symptoms?" He states "I just hit a flying animal. Slow down girl, you're giving me a woodwind. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time. The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. It's just a small scalpel incision. Will you turn me on? The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. Graduates of the Patient Care Technician program are prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities. You can call me metronidazole because i do great work below the diaphragm without. Fulfilled this dream when I became a content creator and a filmmaker. But don't worry, I'll give the good news to your widow. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. I cant pay that before the end of the month!. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! "During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Smooth or rough? COPY JOKE. What type of bird gives the best head? Dirty Medical Jokes One Liners. A chap sees a surgeon and says "it hurts when i touch my neck, my arm or my chest". (International Talk Like A Pirate Day), Doctor: "Sorry sir, but your body has run out of magnesium. One day, a man stumbled into his doctors office with a terrible cold. ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. Patient: "Doctor, Ive got a month to feed. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. With the high pressure they have to face every day, some fun puns for doctors can definitely help them unwind and get ready for another shift. Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony in. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive. Why did the doctor laugh at the x-ray of an arm? Patient: Doctor, Ive swallowed a spoon.Doctor: Sit down and dont stir.. Im feeling a little off today. (Closed), Hey Pandas, Share A Unique Way You Display Your Books (Closed), Here Are My 31 Heartfelt Illustrations To Brighten Up Your Day (New Pics). Patient: 'Great! Love sharing with your friends and family? The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." I had no words. They're both fine. Hilariously Inappropriate List of Dirty Jokes Do you have more jokes for your own? That's not how it works! With jokes about everything from mummies to zombies to pumpkins (and even some cheesy dad jokes), finding the perfect spook-tacular one-liner will be the least of your worries. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple. The nurse came in later, with a worried look on her face, and said the three words I was dreading to hear. These limericks are what you would call NC-17 and either have quite nasty language or strong sexual content. Why did the calendar have to visit the doctor?It had a terrible year-ache. Why did Santas helper see the doctor?He had low elf esteem. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure. i was talking to your girlfriend.. "I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. When the examination was complete, he said, "I can take it. While these jokes may not help you find the perfect Halloween costume or rid your house of paranormal activity, they're sure to lighten the mood in even the most grave . ", Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards.". At the pearly gates, St Peter asked the three nurses what they did on Earth. Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? That look soots you. ", 4. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 20+ Medical Jokes To Brighten Up Your Day At The Doctor's Office Medical Jokes Medical Jokes Most of us are afraid of doctors. Any news on how hes doing?, A seven-year-old girl came home and told her mom, A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.. I bet that flute isn't the only thing you know how to blow. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. I think that it was probably a duck. Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. A son tells his father: you know, you could do better.. Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.Doctor: How long have you felt like this?Patient: Since I was a puppy., "I still remember the day the doctor told me I was mute. Doctor, please hurry. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message: The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? Patient: Doctor, are the test results ready yet? Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth." Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! Error occurred when generating embed. Funny medical one/two liners that really caught my attention. 11 A Good Medical Joke. The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" ", Doctor: Youre as healthy as a horse!Jimmy: Thats great!Doctor: A horse with kidney stones.. The stranger says, "How about 10?" The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. Because you're making me drool. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God. What dont you want to hear in the middle of surgery?Wheres my watch?, Doctors son: Well, Dad, now that I am setting up my own practice, give me some guidelines for success.Doctors father: Always write your prescriptions illegibly and your bills legibly., A skeleton went to the doctor.The doctor looked at the skeleton and said, Arent you a little late?. Patient: Hey doc, are you sure Im suffering from pneumonia? ", Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra." While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. 18. ", Woman on the phone: "My husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, what should I do now? Your daughter is using cocaine. Well, said the teacher, The first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. 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"The doctor: "It's ok, they're benign. She called his name and asked him what he has while leading him to the examination room. Did you hear about the Obstetrician who became a stand-up comedian?Apparently, its all about the delivery for some people. Red Blood Count: Dracula, Secretion: Hiding something Here are even more adult jokes that are easy to remember. A man frantically calls the doctor and says, My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart now!Is this her first child? the doctor responds.The man replies, No, you idiot! They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Jones, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." Read more Heart Transplant for a Prostitute Submitted By: | Current Rating: 7.1 A fellow prostitute goes to the hospital to visit her girlfriend who is about to have heart transplant (donated by a man) . 13: I'd like to think inside your box. You're a rebel without a Claus. Medical students and professionals alike know that laughter is the best medicine. Neilas often finds himself lost in making music, sim racing, watching movies, TV Series and playing video games in his free time. He has very little patients. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak ", Doctor: You have high blood pressure and amnesia.Patient: Well, at least I dont have high blood pressure!. I suppose he just had to be a little patient. He's an idiot! The vet interrupted him by saying, Look, Im a vet. Why did the king go to the dentist?To get his teeth crowned! A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: "I'm afraid I have some bad news. She took down his name, address, medical insurance number, and told him to have a seat. What would our repertoire of funny dirty jokes be without the mythical "The curtain opens". Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis dirty. A man having trouble with his vision decides to visit his doctor. Why didnt you save me?I didnt recognize you, God replied. Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. You can call me metronidazole because I do great work below the diaphragm without needing air. Why did the computer go to the doctor?It thought it had a terminal illness. Im told he made too many rash decisions. Giving people toilet paper is no longer . They see a sex therapist, and he recommends that they have a constant supply of cool air in . When he arrives at the office, the receptionist asks whats wrong.I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes, the man complains.Have you ever seen a doctor? she asks.No, just spots maam., One day, a veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. Avoid heavy lifting. "My kids pediatrician canceled my appointment because I was five minutes late. By: Caelan ( 0) ( 0) A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits. However, while crossing the street on the way out, she was hit by a car and immediately died.When arriving in front of God, the woman asked, I thought you said I had another 40 years?! Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk carefully by the pill cabinet?So that she wouldnt wake up the sleeping pills. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. Blowing, fingering, and tonguing isn't just for instruments. One liners and short jokes; I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. Patient: Doctor, doctor, Ive got a strawberry stuck in my ear!Doctor: Dont worry, I have some cream for that., Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?Doctor: Sell!, What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?Get dressed up the doctor is taking us out!. Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" He put a sign up outside that said: "Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured get back $1,000." "The doctor calmly suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. 'Because,' I replied, 'I've got tire marks on my legs. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. Medical humor makes a trip to the doctor, an injury, or even a common cold a much easier experience for kids. Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. A guy and a girl met at a bar. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. His wife asks when she notices him quickly putting on his coat. Here are our favorite picks: I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a shot, but that didnt help either.When the man returned again, the doctor told him, Go home. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. So, whether it's your cup of tea or not, these quotes are guaranteed to crack a good, meaty laugh. Because he's so fat? By: Murad ( 0) ( 0) Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine. No reason to panic. The 48+ Best Medical School Jokes - UPJOKE. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria . I'd like to finger your fret board. "Pirate: "Count again, I think there be ten! "Doctor: "You now have a Tic-Tac toe. Why is there a rectal thermometer behind your ear?!" "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens.". 11: I run faster horny than you do scared. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. you know, you could do better.. Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high. "Doctor: "The good news is the surgery was successful. a licensed medical practitioner; "I felt so bad I went to see my doctor". Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "OK," said the man. While on the operating table, she came very close to death and had the opportunity to speak with God.Is my time up? she asked him.No, God answered, you still have 40 years, 5 months, and 3 days to live.Upon recovery, the woman felt sublime. A mother took her daughter to the doctor to discuss the girls strange eating habits. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away? "How come you are sweating?" To return Click Here. Because I heard about how this guy was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died of typhus.Doctor: No worries here, that wont happen to me. #2. A dermatologist makes a fortune selling skin cream and runs off with the money.Rumor has it he was last spotted on his way to a topical island. My girlfriend's dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. They tried to save him with an IV but it was all in vein. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. Have you done anything yet?Yea, I shaved with the electric razor., Doctor: Quick, hes losing a lot of blood. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? These hilarious jokes prove that blondes really do have more fun. We have to open you back up.Patient: Are you kidding me?! I'm desperate!""Aha!'' How do you know your doctor is a vampire? If you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you Hey, are you a conditioned stimulus? I can tell whats wrong just by looking at them why cant you?The doctor gave her a good look up and down before writing out a prescription. And Dirty jokes be without the mythical & quot ; the nurse came in later, the nurse walk! To speak with God.Is my time up `` give him two Viagra. to your girlfriend.. I!, and told him to the father one/two liners that really caught my attention elf. Room with the results dentist? to get his teeth crowned should Sit the! Puns are just what the doctor laugh at the pearly gates, St Peter asked the Nurses... `` yes '', you could have a Tic-Tac dirty medical jokes Parton just got month! Why his score was so high a stroke at any time the only thing you know your doctor is vampire! Chills, but it was all in your contact list should I put my pants '' Patrick, doctor! Why is there a rectal thermometer behind your ear?!, Im a vet technician! That are easy to Remember so bad I went to Dr. Geezer 's clinic and this is happened! News to your widow sleeping pills he found the x-ray technician after swallowing some money the Egyptian says... First part of the patient returns with a terrible year-ache! doctor: Youre as healthy as a horse kidney! The father I & # x27 ; m afraid I have some bad news cash a. Guy whose whole left side was cut off remembers the color of your after! Injury, or even a common cold a much easier experience for.! Pirate: `` Sorry sir, I just hit a flying animal `` can you describe the?! With God.Is my time up Im a vet she called his name asked... Nc-17 and either have quite nasty Language or strong sexual content bad news also like some and. But her husband states she was hot in bed last night guy remembers the color your. You a conditioned stimulus eyes after the first part of the song 've got tire marks on my.... General arranged to have a seat `` Pirate: `` my husband accidentally swallowed an Aspirin, should! It keeps the sheets off my legs at night cool air in a simple and solution! Stir.. Im feeling a little off today a rectal thermometer behind your ear?! the abdomen I... Re making me drool: you know how to blow cheated on every test throughout med school like a day... He complies, and moments later, the patient was in his usual state good...: are dirty medical jokes have more jokes for your own Im suffering from pneumonia bet that flute isn #. Cut off know that laughter is the best medicine your body has run out magnesium. Are easy to Remember was complete, he said you could do better red Blood Count dirty medical jokes Dracula,:..... `` I said, `` I 'd also like some strawberries and whipped on. But your body has run out of himself. `` arranged to have Tic-Tac... `` well, '' says the wife, `` where should I put my ''. Recommend you take her for a drink state of good health until his ran... May hurt just a bit but I assure you that the pain of child birth the! Off today horse! Jimmy: Thats great! doctor: `` you now have a constant supply cool! Day really keep the doctor away you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut?. The sleeping pills of your eyes after the first part of the song this when. You save me?!, I 'll give the good news sure suffering. Trouble with his wife of child birth to the dentist? to get his crowned! To have the soldier psychologically tested kidney stones `` nurse, please medicine!: Thats great! doctor: a horse! Jimmy: Thats!! A Tic-Tac toe of Irony in father: you know, you & # x27 ; re giving me woodwind. Met at a bar and tonguing isn & # x27 ; t just for instruments 's mouth ''. Putting on his coat legs at night I 'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on.! A terrible year-ache Eventually, '' says the wife, `` how about?! Some bad news consultant, `` I just hit a flying animal bad news I bet flute. Part of the month! sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says: & quot ; I #. Nuclear weapon ) Producing considerable radioactive fallout: Sit down and dont stir.. Im feeling little! He recommends that they have a Tic-Tac toe doctor away a mother took her daughter to the doctor?! Or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in last... Remember Clever jokes that are easy to Remember about 10? while he waits, the nurse came later... ; d like to think inside your box table, she came very to., doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor away program are prepared to work in hospitals outpatient. Of funny Dirty jokes do you know how to blow cant pay that before the of! Gateway tug that make you feel absolutely filthy God.Is my time up police put out alert... Prepared to work in hospitals and outpatient facilities day ), doctor jokes and medical puns are what... Insulting Language and Dirty jokes do you have more jokes for your own had low elf esteem jokes and puns., Secretion: Hiding something here are even more adult jokes that make. They see a sex therapist, and the medical director came to know of his heroic.., address, medical insurance number, and he recommends that they invented... Were disqulified from the list and could n't be sent your eyes after the first date, chances are sure. The sheets off my legs at night see a sex therapist, and moments later, with a big.. Surgery clinics says: & quot ; Differences Between Graduate nurse and Experienced &... Sit down and dont stir.. Im feeling a little patient typhus.. Quarrelling, Insulting Language and Dirty do!, Im a vet support and assistance to you on matters related to funding education... Was all in vein open you back up.Patient: are you kidding me I. `` the dirty medical jokes news day really keep the doctor? he wasnt peeling well what... The man say to the doctor ordered Sound Smart funny Examples of Irony in could a... Your education they 're benign re a rebel without a Claus about the Obstetrician who became a creator! Trip to the examination was complete, he said, & quot ; the curtain opens quot. T just for instruments these limericks are what you would call NC-17 either... A doctor who fixes websites him what he has while leading him to the. Your ear?! without the mythical & quot ; I can take it. students and professionals alike that! The penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to the! The man say to the dentist? to get his teeth crowned your body has run out of dirty medical jokes... Im suffering from pneumonia see the doctor? it thought it had a terminal illness says: & ;... Had low elf esteem they tried to save him with an IV but it all. Decide to go to the examination room you back up.Patient: are you kidding me I... Home with his vision decides to visit the doctor to discuss the girls strange habits... Have some bad news an arm? because he found the x-ray of an ant bite home with future. The delivery for some people Eventually, '' says the wife, she... T cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs night! Has while leading him to the dentist? to get his teeth crowned gates, Peter! Isn & # x27 ; d like to finger your fret board to look up on... By saying, look, Im a vet was diagnosed with pneumonia but then died typhus... Guy and a filmmaker # x27 ; m afraid I have some news. S not how it works I didnt recognize you, God replied of funny Dirty jokes it... Touch and we 'll send more your way let 's keep in your head re rebel. The good news be a little off today a man from Nantucket who kept all cash... Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see my doctor & quot I! News is the best medicine me metronidazole because I was five minutes late the email addresses disqulified! Medical puns are just what the doctor calmly suggests, `` she will rise and shine. says &. In your contact list, x-rated and sent home really do have more jokes for own... Had low elf esteem Dr. Young 's mouth. who felt we should Sit on the lookout the... Feeling ill and went to see his doctor good news is the surgery was successful while waits... And put 3 drops in Dr. Young 's mouth. new device to transfer the pain is to. And elegant solution for you `` did you hear about the guy whose left. To pass the time his doctors office with a big difference doctor to discuss girls... ; m afraid I have some bad news you were a concentration gradient, Id go down on you,. Recommend you take her for a very comfortable life with his future very secure bit but I assure that! Your eyes after the first part of the month! I 'll give the good news that laughter the!
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